Limits are the key to life.
They create space to protect your energy. They reduce stress and daily stress.

Confidence and self-esteem will begin to increase. Relationships will make more sense. But it is preceded by an incredible fear. Why; Because most of us have never created them, let alone set them up and maintained them.

Boundaries are the fixed line of each individual. It is his verbal (and sometimes non-verbal) communication with the world and people. Almost everyone struggles with boundaries because they have never seen adults in their family. They had e.g. a mother who said yes to every event, even if she was exhausted, or a father who took care of everyone before himself. Society rewards these types of behaviors, but never looks at how these people feel. It does not look at their state of health or the satisfaction they receive from their relationship. . If that happened then we would all be in for a treat. Eventually, however, resentment penetrates, the temper flares up and the disease manifests itself.

So how do you know if your boundaries are clear?

1. You shudder at the word “no.” I remember when I started learning about the power of ‘no’ I thought it was that simple. My mind clearly understood that “no” is a complete sentence and I did not need to explain myself. When I really went to practice it, I could not believe the fear and anxiety it was causing me. I was incredibly pressured not to explain or apologize. It was a clear sign that I had to do some serious work within my means.

2. You feel guilt, shame, fear (or any similar feeling) when you put yourself and your own needs above someone else’s wants. Having no limits is really an underlying statement that your self-esteem has been damaged in some way. It is normal to want to be liked or to avoid conflicts, but when it comes to your own feelings, your value needs to evolve. Good news, because setting boundaries requires just that.

3. Have you never or rarely asked “what do I want?” When the boundaries are blurred, you literally lose our “self”. Thinking of ourselves in every situation is not selfish, it is self-care.

It is important to understand that having and keeping limits is a skill. It takes a lot of practice, but the reward is that one day it will become second nature.

If you feel overwhelmed or frustrated, you should do it. Make an adjustment to the way you operate. Patience and commitment. People with clear boundaries live the most satisfying lives.

Understanding people’s feelings is not your responsibility. Subjective belief when we do things to make others “feel” better leads us to believe that we are responsible for how people feel. Some people do not like to hear no. Other people may think you are “selfish” or “rude”. How people feel about your actions is based on their own past experiences in the world. They have little or no relationship with you. You are not responsible for the emotions that are created in them.

Say NO and walk away. The reason people can not keep limits is the reaction of the person to whom they are trying to set them. It is incredibly important to say “no” and then walk away from this person. It could mean turning off your phone or going to your bedroom and closing the door. The principle of limitation has to do with being okay with the no you said. To do this, you must exclude all other answers.

Let the words be secondary to the action. Humans are creatures that are accustomed to expressing themselves mainly in words. Limits cause because they involve continuity and action. Not only do we have to do something different, we have to avoid the desire to over-explain, apologize or rationalize our choices to someone else. We must commit ourselves to our decided action (or inaction depending on the situation) and avoid the tendency to analyze the way we have chosen to do it. Sometimes this means communicating non-verbally through our actions.